'Tis the season

I'm thankful for the end of the year. Reflecting on things past and looking ahead to things hoped for... is a welcome disruption in the spiral of too many baked goods, days that don't last nearly long enough, and the continual desire to wear sweatpants and be in my bed. As a kid, I never understood references to people hating the holidays (because who could ever hate this time of year with the prospect of snow days and piles of presents under a beautiful tree?). As an adult, I fully understand; although I'm trying to remain thankful, and resist the frenetic seasonal assault by advertisers and popular culture which tells me I'm not enough, I don't have enough, and I cannot possibly be content this holiday season without x, y, and z.

I'm thankful for all the wonderful memories I have of Christmas growing up; parents who loved me and were stable. For Christmas eve candlelight services, and fires in the fireplace, many years with family and friends and food and celebration, the year Jon surprised us by flying back from across the world, the year Jeremy brought his guitar and we sang carols in the living room, the time we all piled into Homer and went to see the St. Jovite house, playing rob your neighbor in Jeff and Amie's basement with a bunch of confused but excited kiddos :)  My Christmas nostalgia bank is filled to overflowing.

I'm also thankful for my life here in Seattle. For great roommates, past and present. For some amazing friends, who I can be my truest self with. For some wise counselors. For my crazy, wonderful, annoying work-family. For the church I get to freely be a part of. For a job that challenges me, and provides money so I can enjoy life and travel to people I love who are far away. For my gym, and trainers who make me look forward to going there and pushing myself harder. 

I think I just wrote myself out of the funk I've been in. It's amazing what a difference it makes dwelling on what you do have instead of what you don't have.

Speaking of funks, I bought a Happy Light. I'm skeptical, but people say they really help with mood and energy (and the sun is gone until July), so I will sit within 18 inches of this thing for 1-2 hours a day and see what happens. Updates to come...

I got to spend a few hours with these little lovelies on Thursday so their parents could go to a Christmas concert. As a single adult, it's fun to hang out with kids because you sort of get to be a kid again. For instance, I would never spontaneously play with play-dough, build a tower out of blocks, or run around the house in circles just for the fun of it. I recognize that if I had kids of my own, I would probably lack the energy to run around the house in circles. Thus the brilliance of "The Runaround Song" that my dad would put on. Did anyone (of my brothers) ever figure out/remember what song that was?

Oh yeah, some recent life lessons, for those of you who enjoy learning from the mistakes of others:

- Even though they are delicious in eggs, do not dice jalapeno peppers before you have put your contacts in. No matter how many times you wash your hands, you will end up putting what feels like a lava pellet directly onto your eyeball.

- Jello shots, even when festively colored red and green for a Christmas party, are not a good idea. You may want to smuggle the teacup Yorkie belonging to one of the party hostesses out of the party in your purse. You may also want to go to sleep on the bathroom floor, and wake up very cold with a 'dead arm.'

Leave your favorite Christmas memory in the comments!

Unabashedly wearing sweatpants...

First of all...here's the inspiration for 'Family Wedding'  Thanks to meu pai Carlos for sending me this picture (and presumably capturing it): 

When I was in high school, I had a pair of pajama pants which I got at Disney World and loved like a family member. They were the loveliest shade of pale purple, with TinkerBell in various faerie poses all over them. They were also big and baggy enough that an adult human could comfortably fit in each leg, simultaneously (I know this because it happened). My mom and Amie HATED these beloved pants, and tried to get me to throw them away pretty much every time I wore them (which was often). Of course, I wore them until they became threadbare, the bottoms were frayed and I believe I sewed up a couple of holes to extend their life. I think I finally got rid of them sometime in college...

I bring it up because I currently have a pair of lime green sweatpants from American Eagle, and they've sort of become my cold-weather home uniform (reminiscent of those TinkerBell pants). They're pretty baggy and I'm quite certain that Amie and my mom would find them offensive in the name of fashion, and something about that makes me happy :)  

I'm not sure if it's common knowledge amongst my loved ones that I really like mustaches, but I do. There may be some weird Freudian connection that I'll just ignore...although I do like most varieties of facial hair on men. I think that a well-groomed mustache on a nice-looking dude (notice I did not say hipster) adds a lot to his level of attractiveness. That said, I love the month of Movember, and was very very very excited to sign up for the first annual Seattle Mustache Dache 5k. It was good to have a reason to force myself to run during the cold/rainy season, too. If I wear my FiveFingers when the temperature drops below 58 degrees my toes go numb, so I was thankful to find a great pair of Nike running shoes on sale last month (in a pleasantly eye-popping shade of pink). I was feeling pretty good about the race; certain it could not be as bad as my only previous 5k experience (almost exactly one year ago, in St Louis, at 8 am in what felt like sub-zero temperatures with stinging rain pelting my face).

Here's Kara, pre-race, trying to choose the perfect 'stache:

Blah, blah, blah....costumes, mustaches, running, brush with MLS celebrity wearing short-shorts...34 minutes and 34 seconds later:

Why didn't anyone tell me they give out free stuff after a race? Coconut water, chocolate milk, popchips, bananas...I practically got back my registration fee :)

It was fun, maybe I'll do another one. 

Thanksgiving

Summer in Seattle was long (after a late start) and dry and glorious. We had a record 75 days of no rain (city/suburb dwellers ecstatic while farmers were on their knees praying for rain). But that's all over now, as the vibrant colors of autumn are set against a backdrop of grey, rainy skies. The part of my humanity that thrives on novelty is happy with this new development; the part of my brain that remembers how desperate I was for sunshine and warmth last March (and how it didn't arrive until late July) is in mourning for summer. It's a little ridiculous the way living in the pacific northwest has transformed my mind. Specifically, how I feel guilty being indoors if the sun is shining. There is no small measure of urgency to get outside, and it feels like I've just been going and going and going and going. Finally, with the rain comes the opportunity to take a deep breath...and relax.

Now I must guard against 'hibernation mode' when all I want to do is eat hearty soups and sugar, and sleep 10 hours at a time, and wear sweatpants, and do puzzles, and knit scarves, and eat more sugar, and watch endless hours of Netflix. Because while all of these things are my inclination this time of year, I know that I will feel like utter crap if I actually do them. So, I am trying to remind myself that real life always happens in relationship (with God or other people), and that television (for me) is mostly an escape and rarely a true form of relaxation. And I put on more layers and go to the gym because my gym is a big, freezing warehouse. And I bought some great rain boots so I can still take long walks and be thankful and present without cold, wet feet.

Many months ago, I began to notice the power of saying 'thank you' to God. If I started my day by thanking him, even for the simplest things (like an uninterrupted night of sleep, an alarm that went off when it was supposed to, warm water for my shower, electricity to run my coffee maker), it made an enormous difference throughout the rest of the day. I mentioned this to a friend, and she got really excited and recommended a book to me, called One Thousand Gifts. So I've had a post-it note with the book title written on it on my bedside table for months, and I finally got the book and read it on my flight to Chicago a few weeks ago. It was one of those paradigm-shifting experiences where you feel the world (or your brain) move, and suddenly things are clear in a way they never were (sort of like when I was eleven and wore glasses for the first time and I kept flipping them off of my eyes and back on because I couldn't believe I had existed in the blurriness until I could see everything how it was supposed to be). Seriously, a powerful book. I wanted to buy ten copies to hand out. Give me your address if you don't have $12 or access to a public library, and I'll send you one.

Speaking of things I'm thankful for...Chicago is one of my favorite cities in the world. It's big and windy and vibrant and alive, like a beating heart. Also, a lot of my big, crazy, wonderful Russian/Brazilian extended family lives in the suburbs of that great city, and I got to take a trip out there for a wedding a couple of weeks ago. Flew into Midway on Wednesday around 1pm, took a train downtown and checked into a hotel in the heart of everything. Wandered around that afternoon, enjoyed a cup of beef and cheese fries from Portillo's, and couldn't stop smiling because the wind was so cold and the sky was so pretty in a way you only see in the Midwest. Met up with some old friends who I haven't seen in ages for dinner that night, and went to bed thankful for the blessings and strangeness of my 28 years of life (which already feels so long I cannot imagine what looking back on 80 years will feel like, should I get the opportunity to do so).

My mom (Leigh), sister-in-law (Amie), and two nephews (Xavi & Viktor) arrived the next day, and the weather stayed amazing as we wandered around the city. Amie, 7 1/2 months pregnant and obviously the mother of the two boys in the double stroller, was called "Supermom" twice by strangers, which I thought was funny until I realized that there were virtually no other children anywhere (I never really notice the absence of children in cities until I'm with one). The next day, we spent many many hours at Shedd Aquarium and had a lovely time. Chicago's aquarium spanks the one we have in Seattle (as does their public transit system and downtown real estate).

After that it was out to the suburbs, where we all split to stay with various family members. I stayed with my cousin-friend Katie and her husband Nick. We had a fun evening of marshmallow cocktails, serial games of gin rummy, and watching viral videos on the YouTube. Perhaps you've enjoyed eating 'breakfast for dinner' (I know I have)...well the next morning, we went out for 'breakfast' at a place that hasn't served breakfast for two years, so we had the less common 'lunch for breakfast.' 

Ron and Heidi's wedding was lovely. I've never been to an outdoor wedding when it was raining, and I found the gray skies and sound/smell of falling rain (outside the white tent we were thankfully under) to be really romantic. The reception/party/celebration afterward was really fun! It inspired me with a great idea for a nightclub. It shall be called Family Wedding, an all-ages club (minors of any age allowed in with their parents...I'm always going to cherish the memory of my 3-year-old nephew shirtless on the dance floor), a DJ that intersperses wholesome hits from the 1960's with Rihanna, and no skeezy dudes invading your personal space. 

Confession time. Not only did I not stick to the Paleo diet in Chicago (or in the month preceding my trip), but I also ate gluten on purpose for the first time in 3 years. While the donut, pizza (I cannot find the words to describe how good the pizza was, with the texture/taste of real crust), and assorted breads/desserts were tasty...it was not worth the consequences. I would describe those consequences in gruesome detail, but I'm a lady. Anyway, I'm back on the straight and narrow, on day 4 of a sugar detox, and feeling much better. I dare say my skin is regaining the healthy glow that disappeared when I was helping myself to Halloween candy at work every day. Choice is wonderful, and I lost sight of my power to make kind, loving choices for a little while. Grace is also really wonderful, and I'm so thankful that God invites me to extend that grace to myself as well as others. 

Thanks for reading! 

Eu amo vídeos de música coreano

Crossfit makes me feel like a superhero. After a somewhat stressful work week (including my birthday on which a friend made gluten free cupcakes for me) that I chose to deal with by eating lots of carbs and sugar, then lounging around doing nothing for the better part of a day (including a 2-hour nap after sleeping 10 hours the night before), rounded off by a night out with a couple of friends for cocktails and pommes frites...I woke up feeling like a globby blob of poo. I got up and went to the gym because 1) I love going there, and 2) I pay a lot of money to go there. We did a prison-style workout that destroyed me...and left me feeling like I can do anything :)  Workout-induced euphoria is part of my life now, and I never want to exist without it again.

I haven't accomplished anything on my bucket list yet. I know it's only been a couple of weeks, and some items on the list (i.e. snowboarding) are season-sensitive. I was invited to go to a climbing gym after work a couple of weeks ago, but I stayed overtime instead and almost immediately regretted it. Next time I'll go.

For some reason I can't get my camera to sync with my computer, so the only pictures I have for you are from my phone.

Hiking at Wallace Falls with Wendy and Stephanie:

I'm always amused at the absurdity of signs like this (my friend Sharon likes how the people figures have perfectly round heads):

But something tragic happens every couple of years out here necessitating them.

Kara and I went out for a late dinner last weekend, and then took a ride on the Great Wheel (Seattle's newest waterfront attraction). The ride itself was underwhelming, but highlights included more silly signs (seen below), giggling at the old people making out in the car behind us, and playing "Gangnam Style" on Kara's iPhone. If you haven't seen the video yet, you MUST watch it now. You're welcome*.

* For all parties who will be attending R&H's wedding next month, I think it would probably be a good idea to learn the dance so we can bust it out at the reception. Put it on your bucket list.

i can has cheezburger (google it)

I have a confession to make: I am inordinately wasteful of time. The greatest time suck in my life, by far, is the internet. I had a revelation at work the other day, hearing these words come out of my mouth, as I said them (only somewhat ironically) to a co-worker, "I'd like to be more politically involved and aware. There are things I really care about and would like to be part of changing, but I don't know how to figure out which politicians also care about those things. And then there are so many entertaining videos of cats doing funny things on the internet."

In the interest of living a better story with my life, I set some goals and made a bucket list for the next year and a half (my 'unofficial' time left in Seattle, although my five-year plan is flexible). It does not involve watching cat videos on the internet. I think accountability is key for me, so I'm going to go ahead and share some of the items on said list in hopes that people will ask me about them, and I will  complete them:
- take salsa dancing lessons :)
- learn Portuguese (this is one I've been lazily attempting since high school, but I want to be conversational before I go to Brazil!)
- run a 5k (I did not enjoy the 1st & only one I've done, but I want to give it another shot)
- try rock climbing (at an indoor climbing gym, not the side of a mountain)
- take a snowboarding lesson
- explore more of Seattle on foot (bus or drive to neighborhoods I don't know well, then wander)
- join a book club (for someone who loves reading as much as I do, I cannot believe I've never been in a book club)

In addition, I'll try and update this blog more frequently, for anyone who might still be reading it.

Sick days, and an ode to Mom

I think I might have prophetic powers. So I had a dream a few nights ago that I was sick and hacking up really gross things. I woke up thinking, "thank goodness I'm not sick and hacking up gross things" and wondered what the gross things might be symbolic of in my subconscious mind. A couple of days later, I had an annoying tickle in the back of my throat. The next morning, I had a fever and a hacking cough, complete with nasty things I will not describe being painfully expelled from my upper respiratory system. I just have two words for you: mucus plugs.

Not that anyone ever likes being sick, but I remember positive things about sick days as a child. Laying on the couch with a cool washcloth for my forehead (periodically refreshed by my mom), Coke slushies  and popsicles brought out on demand to my couch of convalescence, an endless stream of cartoons interrupted only by impromptu naps, and chicken soup lovingly prepared by my mom. Thank you, Mom, for being such a good nurse :)

Being sick as adult blows. Having a fever feels like dying (or what I imagine dying feels like). Everything hurts, you can't get warm, and if you want a washcloth for your forehead you have to get it (and refresh it) yourself. During one of the fleeting periods in which standing up didn't feel like my head was going to split apart, I made soup for myself. Then I got into bed at 4:30 pm and (barring a couple of bathroom breaks) didn't get up until 7 am. 

The most annoying thing about this illness is that I'm pretty sure I brought it upon myself. See, I spent a month strictly eating Paleo. And exercising, and sleeping enough, and generally taking care of myself in all the ways one should. But then I started down a slippery slope of 'cheat' meals. Culminating in last weekend's 4-day alcohol/ice cream/mexican food (including corn tortillas and cheese!) binge, wherein I not only poured crap into my body but also didn't sleep enough and climbed a mountain. The weekend was a blast, but I'm paying for it now. Back to moderation...

I'll be back on the Paleo bandwagon for the next month at least. 80 lbs down, 35 to go...and trying to stay motivated!

Addendum: I read a lot of blogs to stay motivated in my weight loss / healthy mind, body, and spirit / telling a better story journey. My favorites always have before and after pictures. Even though I'm not yet at the 'after' I'd like to be, I took a picture anyway :)

Before, during what I hope was the unhealthiest (in every possible way) summer of my life, 2008:

My first month in Seattle:

Looking at these pictures makes me feel a little bit like I'm suffocating. And marvel at the human body's capacity to adapt. It also makes me want to hug that 2008 version of myself who didn't know how powerful she would be when she started to accept her weakness.

Present:

Hey, look, I climbed a mountain, for fun! And it was fun! And I could still walk the next day!

You cannot fully appreciate a view like this without putting forth the effort to get there:

Adventures in Paleo and Portland

People have this facial expression when they find out I can't eat gluten. It is equal parts pity, horror, and curiosity. When I explain why I stopped eating it and the symptoms I had (which have since resolved), they often wear an expression of recognition. Sometimes they even say 'maybe I should try that.' But no one ever has. Often they say 'I could never do that,' shaking their head as if the thought is too terrible to bear. To me, it's like a heroin addict saying they could never give up heroin. Duh...you only say it because you don't want to give it up. I know that gluten is TOXIC to my body. Why would I continue eating it? 

I've realized for awhile now that I'm addicted to sugar, and it's been pure sabotage to my weight loss efforts. A friend of mine gave up sugar last year, and she's been looking and feeling great...leading me to have many conversations in my head about giving it up, too. But I never really wanted to, so I didn't. I figured that life's too short to suffer that way. So instead I just kept plugging away, working out and counting calories, eating healthier than I ever have in my life, but still enjoying "desserts" every day. 

A few weeks ago, I was feeling kind of down. Can't remember why, but because of those feelings I would have a BIG bowl of Chocolate Chex at the end of each day. This lasted three or four days, and I felt like utter crap. Tired, drained, headache, first thought on waking up was when could I go back to bed. Working out was brutal, walking up any sort of incline felt ten times harder than normal. It was frustrating for me. I knew all my hormone levels, electrolytes, etc were normal because I had a blood test last month. Really the only thing I'd done different was binge on Chex, and I was confused. Chex are gluten free, and it was within my calorie budget. I had just started working out at Crossfit, and knew that they promote something called the Paleo diet. So I got a book called The Paleo Solution and started reading about this crazy diet. 

The author is a former research biologist, and I have to say that he convinced me with science to take a 30 day Paleo challenge. I am not good at concisely saying what other people say (ask anyone I've ever recommended a book to), so if you're interested check out Robb Wolf, Loren Cordain, or Mark Sisson's websites (I like the last one the best). Take home points: we don't need carbohydrates from grain sources to survive; and the abundance of said carbohydrates in the modern diet is partly responsible for the prevalence of diseases that are reaching epidemic, critical numbers in our society (see cardiovascular disease, diabetes, cancer, and many more). As a health care provider and a member of a society that will soon be drowning in medical expenses for a very unhealthy population, this gives me great hope. Those diseases mentioned earlier can be reversed with a diet/lifestyle change.

In addition, I lost five pounds in one week of eating Paleo. FIVE! The same amount of calories (if not more) I was eating before, more fat, and as much fruit as I wanted (in spite of Paleo diet advice to limit fruit if you want to lose fat). I was in complete shock when I stepped on the scale at the end of the week, and thought it was an error at first. So, I'm pretty much sold at this point. I'm going to do strict Paleo for a month, then will try reintroducing certain kinds of dairy and legumes to see how my body tolerates them. I would like to know what optimal physical fitness feels like. 

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On a completely unrelated note, my friends Jon & Kara are living in Portland for 6 weeks for his job, and I decided to go visit them. Took the train down on a long weekend, and had a great time! My tiny friend Max was excited to show me around. Here's one of his favorite spots in Portland, a super fun park with a waterfall/pool that he likes to splash in: 

On Saturday morning we visited the Farmer's Market, which is now one of my favorite places in Portland. I had an amazing spicy sausage with grilled peppers and onions for lunch there. Bought some strawberries that were sweeter than any I've ever tasted (I wondered if the farmers had perhaps been injecting them with sugar somehow), some delicious walnuts, and grass-fed beef jerky (that I still haven't tried).  

Confession time now. I think I like Portland better than Seattle. This thought popped into my head while there: Seattle is like a beautiful woman with a terrible personality, and Portland is like her less attractive, slightly weirder, but much more fun to hang out with sister. I can't really explain what it was; the people just seemed friendlier and the city overall more inviting. Tons of restaurants and lovely outdoor spaces, lots of cool shops (I'll have to go back when my bank account is a little more padded!). I'm definitely filing Portland in the 'potential cities I might enjoy living in someday' column. 

                            

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Finally, the pastor of the church I sometimes attend (only sometimes because it is so big and hard to connect with people and I often find that overwhelming) has a really great blog here. I was struck by these words, which I felt compelled to read aloud (to myself) and as soon as I started reading them I also started crying. I've included the previous sentence for context: "the reality is that we're boring an entire generation to death in the church, through the language we use, and the emasculated vision of successful Christian as nothing more, really, than "sin management". In truth, we're called to help each other live abundantly, body soul and spirit, so that out of a wise, robust, healthy, joyous, and full life, we can become servants to our world." I am hopeful.