I had just finished crossing a busy intersection today (at the end of an 8.5ish mile run/stagger...more to come on that) when I heard what can only be described as a blood-curdling shriek. I spun around, pulse racing, expecting to see something traumatic/tragic, and ready to leap into action. It was such a primal and visceral response that I'm wildly curious as to what I could have physically accomplished in that moment (when I thought I had no strength left). It did not feel outside the realm of reality to presume I could have sprinted 50 meters and lifted a car off of a human. Thankfully, that wasn't necessary. Upon spinning around, I saw a pretty blonde girl wearing graduation robes, half hanging out of a car, and hollering at some guys (I can only assume she knew) also wearing graduation robes who were across the intersection on bikes. Ah, youth :)
It made me nostalgic for the enthusiasm and wide-openness that accompanies such a momentous life event. While there are a lot of really great things about adulthood (and I honestly don't miss being 22), I find I must fight so hard to hold on to the beauty and potential in every day, lest the 'joie de vivre' be swept away in the constant plodding forward of the mundane. It seems like so many people become so bitter in middle age, and I never want that to be me...because it's both unpleasant to be around and unpleasant to live that way. Also, I suspect, not the abundant life Jesus was talking about.
After a lovely visit to St. Louis last week, I was laid up for a couple of days with a mystery illness (I suspect it may have been a cheesy enchilada from El Maguey that became lodged somewhere in my digestive tract and emanated evil in the form of headache, fever and general malaise, but I digress). I laid in the dark and surfed the internet a lot, but also watched a documentary called Happy which I must now recommend. It's been in my queue for well over 6 months (since my last 'documentary kick') and I'm so glad I finally watched it. Informative, induced introspection, and made me feel all warm & fuzzy inside.
Speaking of introspection, I spent some time yesterday perusing my old journals, poetry, and prose. It's quite an impressive and cringe-worthy collection, beginning with the poem eulogizing my first pet, followed by much lamenting about not feeling understood (except for those summers I spent at 'smart-kids camp') and a plethora of poems and gushing about love and various boys (that just make me want to pat the top of 14-year-old Rachel's head and say "isn't that precious" in a church lady voice). I've said it before and I'll say it again: life is long and weird and wonderful. My task now is to decide which, if any, of my works are fit for publication on this blog. Stay tuned.
3 comments:
Post the Ode to Pudsie. Please.
It is truly awesome.
It was good to see you and hang out. And I had fun "WODding" with you too.
Oh, found one of your earrings, Malia tried to eat it.
there is much truth to some of what you say. constant plodding is an easy trap, even for those of us who dont work in a cubicle. i have a roommate that would argue that i often times fall into that category. in a somewhat non sequitor, my mind has instantly jumped to how similar i am to the subject in the screwtape letters. it is frequently brought to my attention, in not so pleasant a way, that i am being "unpleasant to be around". thanks for the healthy reminder that acting like a child is, well, childish. i want the abundant life, but i want very much to put a 'but' in there to make an excuse as to why im not living it. so thanks for calling out/challenging yourself and all of us on it.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=jA0HcqhGkMc
i have thought of this scene a lot over the course of my life. its pretty lame, and a gigantic stretch, but wiabdt is that if you dont want to be something, whatever that is, mundane, a jerk or in love with joe, then you dont have to.
i too would like to hear pudsie prose.
Thanks for reading & commenting!
- Sorry that I left a tiny choking hazard in your home, brother. I am currently wearing my new t-shirt emblazoned with "embrace the suck" and thinking back fondly on WODding with you. I plan to say more about it in my next post.
- Person who didn't leave enough clues to their identity (or else my brain is just failing right now), I was recently told by my rather excellent therapist, that one of the best markers of mental health is a person's ability to see their choices. I keep turning that over in my mind, recognizing the truth in it, and wondering what choices I'm making without being aware of them.
- Sir Duffle Pud the Second will be honored in due time
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